Learning as we go.

I've been reading Laura Shumaker's book A Regular Guy: Growing Up With Autism. I love love love it! She has such a great way of weaving together the story of her family with humor and insight into what life is like with an autistic child. One thing she wrote about that I found rather poignant is the issue of being judged. I wish I could say I don't care what other people think, but I do. I am one of those people who feels hyper aware of the looks/comments/judgements of others. This is rather problematic since I have a child who does not always behave well in public. Granted he is only two, but I know that as he gets older it may become more of a problem. Prior to becoming a mother I was not prepared for how competitive, cruel, and judgemental moms can be towards each other.

One of the biggest behavior issues we have with P5 is that he does not redirect very well. If he is focused on something or wants to hold/play with something he will not let it go or be directed to another activity. Lately one of his intense obsessions has been DVDs and their cases. He would sit and open/close the cases and spin the DVDs around on his finger. It became such a problem that he did not want to do anything else. We decided to hide all the DVDs and the cases so that he would not be so distracted by them. In the week that we have been DVD free in our house, he occasionally finds a "contraband" DVD, one that was stuck on the bookshelf or under a stack of papers. When we've taken away the DVD it is met with a major tantrum that will go on and on. One day I took away a DVD and stashed it on top of the fridge. P5 saw me do this, and hours later he stood in the kitchen reaching and whining towards the top of the fridge knowing there was a DVD up there. The home therapy book we've been reading says that it is normal and OK for ASD kids to play with unusual items, but if it becomes a distraction and inhibits their communication and social interaction than the item should be taken away. We've been trying to play with him in ways that we can have back and forth communication. The easiest way for us to do this is to read to him, play pretend with his favorite stuffed animals, and play music to get him moving and dancing.

It's been very cold here - in the low 30's which is not normal for this area. My kids hate dressing up in layers/hats/jackets so after days of being cooped up we ventured to the mall so they could burn off some energy at the indoor play area. As we were getting out of the car, I went to load P5 into the stroller. He had found a DVD disc in the door of the car which he was clutching. When I tried to remove it from his hands he flipped out, so I decided to just let him keep it if that was going to allow me to strap him into the stroller. When we got to the play area, M2 ran off with glee to climb and a run. I let P5 out of the stroller, and once again tried to take away the DVD. He flipped out so I handed it back to him. He walked off slowly and watched the other kids play, then backed up and sat down near me. He spun the DVD around in his hands. Occasionally he would get up and walk towards a climbing toy and try to climb, but it often resulted in him dropping the DVD which he would then jump down to reclaim. I noticed a few parents watching him; obviously his behavior was not normal. After awhile one mom was getting up to leave with her kids and she gave me a long look, not one of judgement, but one of sympathy and understanding. I don't know what her situation was but the look she gave me was kind. It was just what I needed. In the future I will have to be aware of distractions (like the DVD) that will inhibit P5's ability to participate in something fun (like climbing on the play structures).

Laura Shumaker wrote about a situation where she ran into a woman she had known for years that she often avoided because she always assumed was judging her. The woman came up and commended her for doing such a good job over the years of managing her autistic son in public. In reflecting on the conversation, she wrote "I thought about all of the other people over the years that I had judged–and avoided– because I assumed they were judging me. So the next time you think someone is judging you, take a step back. They might just be admiring you." I will need to remember that.

In other news, we met with P5's birth to three team late last week. That went really well and they were able to answer a ton of questions we had about different types of therapy and about preschool options. I am feeling a bit more optimistic about obtaining services with their help.