I'll admit that I've never liked January. This January is no exception. The post holiday lull coupled with dreary weather and the uphill battle I feel like we are climbing...it makes me feel very joyless these days. I want to curl up on the couch and watch chick flicks all day long, but of course with two toddlers that will never happen. They would be poking me in the face and screaming for attention. Instead I trudge along taking care of their needs and the tasks to keep our household running, while feeling a heavy heart and a lump in my throat.
As I've been processing through P5's diagnosis I'm currently stuck in one of the stages of grief - anger. I'm really angry. I am directing much of my anger towards the university. More than 3 weeks ago they told me my child was autistic and that they would send me the full report within days. I called yesterday to find out where the report was and they told me it hadn't been sent yet but I was promised that I would have it emailed to me by end of business today. I am still waiting.
What really makes me angry is the lack of follow up. No one from the university has called to check in with me; I feel like that should be done at minimum. Mr.P and I are educated and resourceful people - we have done a ton of research into autism, bought three books, and sought out services to help our child. But what about other people - people who don't have the resources/motivation/wherewithal to seek out information and services like we have, what happens to those people? I think of how overwhelmed I feel and can only imagine how much worse it could be (as I've previously mentioned - I have a master's degree in counseling so my coping skills are fairly good). I hope that they actually do follow up with people and perhaps we fell through the cracks because of the holidays. Although, it's been my experience to expect very little compassion from this "highly rated" research university. Our family has already had two very poor customer service experiences at the hospital associated with the university.
Since our first choice therapy option has that ridiculous waiting list, we have moved on to another option. I contacted the clinic on Monday and of course no one answered the phone and I had to leave a message. Late Tuesday I was called back - and I was told that before they would schedule an appointment for us, we needed to complete and return an intake packet. The email came promptly and I hit print on the attachment. Minutes later the printer was still spitting out pages. 28 pages to be exact. As the kids were fighting and whining, I flipped through the packet of papers and wanted to cry. The intense pregnancy history they wanted only increased my guilt as I had to check the "yes" box for many of the medications I took while pregnant (for asthma, allergies, and pain management for a broken rib). But I sucked it up and managed to get the entire thing filled out last night, and then emailed in first thing this morning. One of the pages of the packet outlined the financial agreement and it stated that upon our first appointment we will be required to pay a $300 cash deposit in case our insurance does not cover the therapy. Awesome. I was told their waiting list is about 6 weeks.
In the meantime I find myself carefully watching all of P5's behavior, trying to see what he does that I didn't notice before. We've done some major cleaning and have cleared out multiple bags of toys so that we only have a small number of things out (not only is this better for P5 to keep him from feeling overwhelmed, it keeps things a lot more organized which I know is good for my own sanity!) I've continued to read up on ways I can help him and read about other people's experiences. Knowledge can be power, but ignorance can also be bliss. I am equally inspired and terrified about some of the stories I've read.
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