A grounds-in-your-coffee sort of day.

You would think that going back to work and sending M2 to daycare would get easier over time, right? It's actually gotten harder. The first few weeks back to work I was so busy getting caught up from the 4 months I was away, I didn't think too much about being apart from her. Then we were on vacation for the holidays, and then January hit. The past month has been incredibly stressful.

Our house is a disaster most of the time (despite having a housecleaner who comes every other week...within hours of her cleaning the clutter begins piling up again). Mr.P can live with the mess, I cannot. I hate dishes piled in the sink, dirty laundry overlapping with clean laundry and piles of paper everywhere. Since M2 had several fits of "coughing so hard she vomited" last weekend, we went through all 3 sets of sheets for our bed (she does not sleep in our bed, but just happened to be hanging out on or near the bed when the projectile vomiting occured). We currently have a flat sheet laying across the mattress since I have yet to get the clean sheets out of the dryer and put the actual fitted one on our bed (the laundry is in the basement, which is accessable from outside. Late at night when I am tired I am just not feeling like going outside and down to the cold, creepy, dark basement).

Our bathroom has been out of toilet paper for almost a week (thankfully there is a box of kleenex behind the toilet to get us by). Most of my evenings are consumed with dinner, bottle prep, feeding/bathing the baby and trying to spend a little quality time with her before she goes to bed. By the time I'm done doing just the basic "must get done" things, I am too tired to do anything else. Being too tired to really deal with the little things seems to be the theme around our house these days. It puts me in a foul mood to live in such a mess and to be too tired to deal with it. I'm cranky and sometimes mean to be around.

Days like today make me want to throw my arms in the air and scream at the top of my lungs. But I'm not going to do that because I still have a very sore throat - one of the joys of a child in daycare - she constantly has a cold, which she has lovingly passes on to me. I have forgotten what life was like without a runny nose.

Tonight Mr.P picked up M2 as usual around 6 PM. I was stuck at work finishing up some stuff until after 6:30, and I stopped and got us takeout on the way home. I came in the house after 7 to find a hungry baby and hungry husband. I check M2's daily report and it shows that she last ate and had a diaper change at 3 PM. She had napped from 12-3, so I assume she was up playing from after she ate at 3 until she was picked up at 6. WTF?! They sent her home with a full bottle. Normally she eats her 3 bottles at daycare on a somewhat normal schedule of 11, 2, and 5. Because of her long nap, her schedule was thrown off today and she ate at 11:30 and 3. The problem with her feeding schedule getting off like that is that if she doesn't eat enough during the day and she misses a bottle, then she will usually wake up an extra time at night to eat. But obviously the daycare people don't care about that since they aren't the ones waking up at 2:30 am to feed a hungry baby. Mr.P, being a guy was oblivious to the fact that he should have fed her upon arriving home after 6 (he also doesn't think about M2 waking up to eat at night since he sleeps through her nighttime feedings).

I resent that Mr.P is so incredibly selfish with his time. I can count on both hand how many times he has gotten up at night to do anything for M2 during the past 5 months (I wake up at least once, if not two or three times a night to feed/comfort/re-swaddle her). He does help out, but often when I nag him or yell at him to do something. He frequently refers to his time hanging out with M2 as time he "babysat" her. Um...yeah...it's not "babysitting" when it's your own kid! During my maternity leave I didn't mind doing 85% of the babycare and housework, but now that I am back to work I just can't do it all. Mr.P is used to me doing it all, so it's hard for him to give up any of his time to help out. We are not in a good place right now.

And as for the title of this post? Yup, this mornings coffee pot was full of grounds due to some sort of filter malfunction.

But despite how stressful things are and how tired I am all the time, I look at this sweet little face and can't help but feel my heart bursting with love for her: