I have been participating in the sermon review team at church. We meet during the week with the head pastor to hear the draft of his sermon for the upcoming Sunday and to give feedback on the continuity, flow, appropriateness etc. Yesterday there were about 8 of us there, and during the sermon the pastor told an anecdotal story about two couples that were in the same small group and both going through infertility at the same time. One of the couples had a few failed IVF attempts and were deciding what to do next; the other couple were unable to afford IVF and were beginning the process of adoption though they were unsure if they could even afford adoption. The man from the first couple felt God nudging him that he and his wife should help this other couple fund their adoption, despite their own longing to have a child. His wife agreed and they put forth the money for their friends to adopt. He neatly packaged up the story to say that the two couples went on to have 5 children between them.
This story struck up quite a debate within the group - which it should. Infertility is a very painful, and personal matter. Our church has approximately 3,000 people attend among the 5 services each Sunday as well as several hundred who watch online. For anyone who has or is going through infertility, hearing this story can stir up a lot of emotions. One of the people on sermon review team pointed out that it should be recognized that not all couples with infertility will have that happy ending. Another person pointed out that it should be noted that the story spans many years from when they were experiencing the infertility to later when they had the 5 children between them so that it doesn't appear too rosy. Being one of the younger people in the group, I confirmed that I know for a fact there are several couples who regularly attend our church who are currently in the midst of infertility.
This topic is one that has weighed heavily on my heart lately. I know a few couples at church who are still struggling with infertility or waiting to adopt. One couple we know tried to get pregnant for several years and then through medical testing learned it wasn't possible so they began the adoption process. They have been waiting to be chosen by a birth mom for more than 2 years. Whenever the woman talks about the process and the wait I can hear in her voice how painful it is for them. Their lives are literally on hold as they wait. It makes me so sad for them and frustrated for them. Another couple I know from church began the adoption proceedings only to be picked by a birth mom 2 months later. It just seems so unfair. I know God has a plan for each of us, but sometimes it's hard to be able to see the bigger picture and understand why.
We struggled with infertility when we were first trying to get pregnant. I remember the pain and agony of unsuccessful months going by. I still clearly remember the pain of hearing other people's pregnancy announcements and while I was happy for them, I was so sad for us. We were extremely lucky that we only had to go through one month of fertility treatments to get pregnant with M2. P5 was a happy surprise (we weren't trying but we weren't preventing). And here we are expecting our third child which was not planned and the result of a one time condom failure. I am so grateful and thankful for my children and I have no regrets about any of them and how they came to be (had any of them been conceived at any other time it would have been a different egg, a different sperm - a different child!) Although our journey of infertility was not that long compared to many people, the pain of it was very real. I can still clearly remember the extreme emotions felt during that time period.
As we are getting closer to publicly announcing our news that we are expecting, my heart has been aching. For those friends we know are still going through infertility, and for those who are silently suffering and have not shared what they are going through. It hurts my heart to think that our happy news could make others feel sad.
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