"Breastfeeding is the most unnatural natural thing."

That's a quote from the pediatrician. She told me that to help make me feel better about the fact that breastfeeding has not been so easy.

I knew breastfeeding would have some challenges...and I was right. Two weeks in, I will say in some ways it is starting to get a little more comfortable, but for the most part I kind of hate it. Luckily I am stubborn and I am committed to making it work since I know it is best for M2. I would feel like a failure (and feel too guilty) if I were to give up. It's really important to me, and I want her to have all the benefits a BF baby has. I was formula fed (but I'm a twin so I can't really blame my mom for not BF, I can't imagine how hard it would be with two babies). Studies show that formula fed babies are more susceptible to allergies...let's just say I have many allergies. Perhaps coincidence, perhaps not. I want to reduce M2's chances of having allergies since they have caused me a ton of problems throughout my life.

M2 and I had BF trouble from the start. She didn't get to BF right away like I had hoped (she had to visit the NICU after her birth) so I didn't get to successfully nurse her until nearly 8 hours after she was born. The first few days she was not interested in BF, and would go up to 7 hours without feeding. A couple days after she was born, we had to take her to Children's Hospital, and while there they had me pump to feed her. This was actually a good thing since it helped bring in my milk and diffuse some bad information I received in the 2 BF classes I took prior to her birth.

The classes are so big on this idea of "nipple confusion" and how it is so terrible to introduce a bottle or a pacifier to a newborn until they're at least 4-6 weeks old. The pediatrician at Children's and M2's pediatrician both said that nipple confusion is the enemy since it's really not as big of a deal as people make it out to be. Yes, it can happen, but not nearly as often as the books and classes make it sound like.

After I learned that it was OK to pump, I started doing some pumping at home so that I'd have some breast milk in a bottle for her when we had guests come by (the first week we had daily visitors, I'm still getting comfortable with the idea of nursing in front of people). For the majority of the time I was BF her and only pumping about once a day. BF her has been hard because she is such a mellow baby it is hard to keep her awake and stimulated to eat, she tends to fall asleep once she's on the breast. By the end of week one, I had seriously painful nipples that were cracked and bleeding - likely due to a bad latch. I talked to the lactation consultant from the hospital on Friday morning, and she talked me through some steps to resolve things. First she told me to get an antibiotic cream to put on my nipples to help them heal, and then she told me to pump exclusively and bottle feed for the weekend so that my nipples would have time to heal. Then she wanted me to call back Sunday afternoon.

I talked to the LC again on Sunday and we discussed how things were going and decided it may be good for me to come in Monday and have them evaluate M2's latch so that if that was the problem, I could avoid my nipples getting messed up again. Monday at my appt they determined that she has a "lazy suck." Meaning, she doesn't effectively transfer milk from the breast on her own. They weighed her before I fed her, and then weighed her after she spent nearly 20 minutes on each breast. With this they found that she was taking in less than 20 mL per side, and she should be taking in 30-35 mL per side, and in less time. They set me up on a plan to BF her for 10-12 minutes per breast, then right after I am to pump and then bottle feed her whatever it is I've been able to pump. This will keep my milk supply up, and get her enough food per feeding session.

Unfortunately it is a time consuming process. 20-25 minutes of time on the breasts, then another 10-15 minutes pumping, 5-10 minutes bottle feeding, and 5 minutes washing the breast pump parts. So feeding sessions take about an hour each, and this is every 2 to 3 hours she is feeding. It is kind of keeping me homebound since I can't really get out for more than 2 hours (assuming I've fed her right before I leave the house).

Mr.P asked me how my day was and if I got anything accomplished. When I went over my day hour by hour, he realized how much time it is taking to feed her. That doesn't even count the time spent changing diapers, doing laundry (we're averaging a load a day) and just holding her when she is fussy. Yeah, caring for a baby is a full time job. I haven't watched TV all week.