An old friend of mine is a gifted speaker and violinist. When he gives a performance he weaves together stories of his life with beautiful pieces of original music. He often talks about the idea that "the hurt of one is the hurt of all." How intertwined our community is and how it's hard for there not to be a ripple effect felt in the wake of tragedy.
Here in our little circle there has been an unprecedented amount of pain and loss these last few days. Perhaps being in the social media age we see and hear about these events more often than we used to. Regardless though, these things happened and it has definitely left my heart feeling heavy the past few days. Two new babies, gone to heaven. Two sets of parents suffering the most unimaginable grief.
One thing I struggle with in the wake of these situations is how to help. What do you say when someone has lost a child? What one person finds comforting to hear, another person may find offensive. I don't know either of these families well - they are close to other friends of ours (and these two situations are from totally different friend groups, totally unrelated reasons for the deaths).
All I can do is pray for these families, and pray for those that are closest to them trying to comfort them during this time. I believe that God has great things in store for these families, and I pray that these families can feel God's love, hope and peace surrounding them during this emotionally raw time.
Both through work and friends who have lost babies (it never gets less heartbreaking), this is what I've learned-
ReplyDelete1. Don't be afraid to speak the baby/child's name, because you're not going to "remind" them of the hurt- the grief is already there and present for a long time afterwards. I sometimes tell a specific friend when I speak her baby's name to butterflies. He's not here on earth, but he's in her heart and his soul is in heaven. He exists and mamas need to know others remember.
2. They often feel lonely and isolated, so just physically being there to bring a coffee, sit quietly, listen, clean, or whatever is helpful even when they can't express what they need.
3. Crying and grieving with them is one of the best gifts you can give- it validates the life and importance of the baby/child. It's hard because nobody in their right minds wants to feel that pain, but it's often helpful.
Take it or leave it, of course, but those are a couple things I've learned. Sorry to hear of these things :(