When Mr.P and I were weeks away from getting married 6+ years ago, I had a cousin email me out of the blue. He and his wife had been living in Ohio for years, but had just moved back to the Seattle area. They were excited to come to our wedding and reconnect with family. (We hadn't invited them to our wedding - they heard about it from extended family, and with a super strict fire code limit for guests we were close to the max on yes RSVPs). I emailed the cousin back to welcome he and his family back to the Seattle area, and I gracefully extended the invite to his wife and he to our wedding, mentioning twice in the email that it was not a kid friendly wedding. He emailed back thanking me for the invite and saying he, his wife and 2 year old son were excited to attend. I was angry and annoyed that he hadn't read closely enough to see that kids were not allowed - after all - our guest list was so tight we had "B" listed our co-workers and were individually inviting them as we had space upon receiving regrets RSVP cards. The cousin's family ended up being one of the first groups to leave our wedding reception - the two year old was tired and cranky.
As it would turn out, that cousin ended up buying a home about a mile away from us. Over time we got to know them better and quietly forgave the fact that they had "broken the code" by bringing their toddler to our no kid wedding. They moved back here with no community - no friends, very fragmented family that was mostly spaced out by more than an hour away. They were desperately seeking connection with family and trying to make friends after many transient years around the country for work (my cousin had been in the military and then worked as an air traffic controller). Mr.P and I gave them grace. Over the years, the cousin and his wife often complained that they felt disconnected and struggled with finding other families to relate to. I felt bad for them, but at the same time we were flourishing in our connections with others. Most of the friends we spent time with were other couples/families we had met through our church.
Our winery business partners? Friends from church. Our monthly potluck dinner community group? Friends from our old bible study group at church. Our kids closest friends? Other kids they've met at church. 90% of the people we hang out with on a regular basis are our friends from church. Our church is in no way a cult - we go to a fairly liberal Presbyterian church, but it is a large church with many smaller groups and opportunities for people to meet. We just happen to have made many connections with people we like that go to our church so our friendships have naturally developed.
Sadly, my cousin got a job transfer earlier this year and they suddenly up and moved to Arizona. They never did build a sense of community here (going to church wasn't their thing) and it was easy for them to take the opportunity to move to the next phase in life. Mr.P and I have discussed it and we both feel it would be extremely hard to move out of the area - our lives are too rooted in the community we've built here.
Last week we got word that a couple from our church had a baby in the hospital that was critically ill. These were people we had met at a few get together's of mutual friends, but we didn't really know them. However we have friends who know them well. Through their community FB page we got to see a window into what was happening with their family. Sadly, the baby died yesterday. As a mom, as a fellow Christian, as a fellow human - I cannot even imagine the pain and heart break that would ensue. We have friends from church who know this couple well, and just knowing that our whole community is grieving and hurting for this family makes it feel so much more real than had it been just some friend of a friend on FB or something. My heart is broken for this family and the unimaginable pain they must be going through; yet I am also inspired by the eloquent and unwavering faith this couple has expressed. The poise, grace, love and faith they have exhibited in the midst of their child dying is an inspiration and amazing example of faith that I honestly don't know if I could have were I in their position.
As an Elder at the church, my first real task was to find people to help bake goodies for the memorial service for the baby. I did the obvious thing for me - I reached out to my mom group and was overwhelmed with how many people responded wanting to help provide baked goods for the memorial reception this weekend. These gals know they will be baking goods as nameless faceless people but they are still willing to step in and help despite their busy daily lives. This is what community is all about - helping each other. I don't know where our family would be without this kind of community.
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