The difference a year makes.

Last year this week, P5 was diagnosed on the spectrum. We were shocked. We were confused. We were heartbroken. We were scared.

To say the least, last Christmas had a bit of a dark cloud over Mr.P and I's heads. I wish I could go back now and pat 1 year ago me on the head and tell me that it would be OK. Yes, it would be hard, stressful and time consuming, but we would be OK. Honestly, the number of unknowns we faced last December when P5 was diagnosed was the scariest part. I have an overactive imagination and I am a huge worrier.

P5 has his quirks, and he definitely has his moments, but where we are now is nowhere near where I thought we would be one year post diagnosis. Seriously, for a kid who had a handful of words at his second birthday, he is extremely verbal now at three. In the past few months his language has exploded and he is speaking in full sentences. Expressing his needs and wants, trying to make jokes, and interacting positively with others. When he was evaluated last month for the special education preschool program they found that his speech is at an age appropriate level (after 2 years of speech therapy!) although he does still have a lisp that the speech therapist will work on with him. Academically he is at or above his peers in most areas, although his social skills and adaptability/self help skills are still a bit behind where they should be.

Earlier this week I couldn't help but tear up as I wrote a Christmas card to P's main therapist. L has been amazing - I seriously could not imagine a more perfect person for him to be working with and guiding his support. I started the card by writing the date - December 18th - and reflecting on how it was 1 year to the day that he was diagnosed. I know that date well because it is my sister's birthday. I wrote to L that a year ago that day we were heartbroken and scared by the uncertainty of our son's future upon his diagnosis, but now we have so much hope and excitement for all the things he can and will do because of the amazing people that have been on his team and working to help him be the best he can be. I truly believe that God has been guiding us through this process and put all the right people in our path to support our family this past year. It hasn't been an easy time, but we have experienced more "God" moments this year than any other.

A few days ago when I was laying in bed, and P5 was excitedly jumping around next to me (seriously, don't know where this kid got his morning happiness from because his dad and I are definitely not morning people!) I smiled at him and asked him to give me a hug. He climbed on top of me and let me cuddle him against me. I whispered in his ear, "I love you, sweet boy." He laughed and sighed and said, "I love you too, Mommy!"

That may sound like nothing, but one of my biggest fears has been that my baby would never express himself like that, never tell me that he loved me and mean it. Just after his 3rd birthday, still in the selfish toddler phase, he told me that he loved me. It made my day. It made my week!

He still has work to do to catch up, but starting in early January he will be in a special education preschool program that will focus on all of his needs and give him some critical social experience in a class with 12 other students (half who have special needs, half who are typically developing peer models). We love his new teachers and we are excited for him to be in this program. The school district told us upon evaluating him that they felt their in person assessment and their reading of his diagnostic report from last December they felt it was almost two different kids! Yay for early intervention, it has made a world of difference. They also recommended that he only need a short term time in special education.

We will have him in this program for the winter and spring of this year, and we plan to enroll him in the private Christian Preschool at our church for next fall. We plan to have him with the teacher M2 has had this year who knows him, knows our family, and will be easy to work with if he does still have some special needs. We also know several friends from church who plan to enroll their own little ones in the same class, so that helps too knowing many of the families who will be in the class.